Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
