First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
