Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
