just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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