I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
