The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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