gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is it penis luge time yet?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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