I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
