If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
