we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
