How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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