I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
