her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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