I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
