My brain says no but my pants say off.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
