Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I AM VODKA MAN
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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