I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
