Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize