I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
