I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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