Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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