wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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