its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
