Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
