when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
