I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
