I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
