My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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