First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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