just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
