There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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