We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
