fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
