i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
