Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
