a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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