I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
