he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
