I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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