what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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