I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize