Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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