Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
