i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
