Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We talked him into tasing himself.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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