she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
