The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
