capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't deserve a penis
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
