Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
there is glitter all over my balls
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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