i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Houston, we have a squirter
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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