if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
