I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
