But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
