She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
