My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
