bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
