Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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