Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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