Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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