When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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