I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
