You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
