dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
