Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
