I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
