mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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