theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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