I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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