this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
