I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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